Monday, September 22, 2008

Friendly Mom Tips

Occasionally, I like to give my tens of thousands (ok, its just tens) of readers a few helpful tips. These, said tips, have been passed along to me (I have no personal experience with them, nope. None.) and I - being the great friend that I am - would, of course, pass them along to you.

Wow.  That was the longest, run-on sentence with incomplete grammar and punctuation that I've ever written.

Ok, we're back.  Do you remember these tips?  A friendly Mom passed along some laundry tips - which of course I paid close attention to - and thus have not had any problems with laundry since.
But, in case you have:

Do Not... ask for a New-Mom-In-Town's phone number and then wash the paper with your dark load the next day.  That is the opposite of a friendly "Welcome to town!"  And, if you were to happen to do that, definitely do not call the horse farm you  just visited and appear to be stalking New Mom.  It does not go over well (or so I've heard.)

Do Not...  wash (sensing a theme here?) your $10 Born Free Sippee Cup in the washing machine and then spend the next 4 hours wondering if it is still BPA-free.  Even the FDA would agree that bisphenol-A does not enter the cup during the wash cycle.  They might wonder, however, why you aren't using the dishwasher.

Do Not... pretend that you are still the hip Mommy that knows how to ride horses (because you took one class in college, many moons ago) and offer to demonstrate trotting for other Mommies.  DO NOT DO THAT.  EVER.  Unless you like walking around looking extremely bow-legged and popping Advil.  For. Several. Days.

And Finally....Do Not.... put your children to bed absolutely filthy dirty, from an entire day of outside play, and complete with black feet from the trampoline, and expect the sheets to not have brown streaks on them the next morning.  
Bathe your children, that night, like any respectable parent would do.  

A final "thank you" to the gracious friend who passed these Friendly Tips along.